Changes.

It's strange, the feeling, of that elevated moment of acute understanding coming from the mind amidst a revelation. The times of change, the end of times, the beginning of times, whatever it is....ITS happening. And I feel it. 




It's not that I'm not sure why, but coming to terms with new ways of thinking and being and acting has always been so regimented and yet careless up until now. I'm noticing how all of my movements now are almost calculated; and I'm not talking about how I walk and talk precisely, I'm referring to the mutual understanding between my body, mind and spirit. 



I can feel the changes in time, how it seems so accelerated. Is this how it's always has been? Or am I experiencing awareness at its finest? Well, with the waves of significant aspects swaying and moving in all directions, I can only feel a little more compelled to go with the more positive winds. I feel less guilty about following my heart and its desires. I feel lighter when I think on a healthier scale. And I feel more knowlegable and useful in my home, work and social life when enlightenment causes me to have a greater than or equal value to my peers as well as myself. 



I went to Randall May's funeral yesterday afternoon. As soon as I had pulled in I felt my stomach tighten up and my body tempurature shot up a bit. I was nervous, feeling the way I did at my last funeral; for Michael. I walked in and saw the picutres and flowers and then the box that he was cremated in. I started to tear up and I realized that it aint easy to tell yourself to be strong and NOT cry. Perhaps its not weakness. Perhaps it is the awareness of something difficult and it can be scary. Hearing the good memories and stories of Randall made us laugh and cry some more. They quoted the Bible so much, even Revelations, which I thought was ironic because it was at a funeral. I'm not sure whether or not the irony should be considered appropriate or not at this time. All I know for sure is this: it is what it is. I have to constantly remind myself that we're all very differently trying to live here, but at the end of the day, we're still working on the same goal; living. So I cant get mad or be innappropriately uneasy when discussions that I have abstract views on arrise. I gotta have more of an understanding, I think. Although I FEEL it immensely when I'm around others. It's weird and I'm not making much sense. 



As someone I know and hold dear once said, "You ultimately decide how you feel at the end of the day." And its been kinda awesome lately, playing around with talents and abilities. :) I like being aware of them again. 



And just for the record, I swallowed my gum at the funeral and then just now. Its such a weird feeling. Anyway...back to work I go. :)